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The Real Me

by Kevin Ngo

I run a motivation site, this one, which gets thousands of visitors a day. I sometimes get emails from people who make me think they believe me to be some guru or someone who is always motivated and driven and taking action. In this post, I'd like to share with my readers who I really am.

I'm in my 30's and make my living online. I get lazy at times. I have goals and dreams to work towards but there are times when I just don't feel like doing anything. I have fears and insecurities about myself just like everyone else. I'm not even close to being perfect nor do I want to be. That's just too much pressure.

Although I have a 4 year degree, I was never able to land a decent paying job. In fact, when I first launched this site at the end of 2008, I was working as a temporary customer service rep. It was a job I hated but needed at the time to pay the bills. I still owe thousands in student loans and currently rent.

I often refrain from posting certain thoughts on this site because of what others may think of me. Although I've never said I was successful, I realize that some people think I'm more successful than I really am just because I run a motivation/self improvement website but I never bothered to say otherwise until now.

I'm naturally an introvert which is probably the opposite of what you would expect from someone who runs a site like this. I've always been quite shy growing up. Over the years, thanks to my background in sales and marketing shortly after graduating college, I've become more confident but it's definitely something I need to improve upon. I often feel awkward in social situations that involve a bunch of people I don't know.

I often feel inferior to some of the people I know. Many of the people I know who are around my age are way more successful. They have great paying jobs. They travel. They seem quite happy. I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm a bit envious of them.

I'm afraid of failure. To be more precise, I'm afraid of what others would think of me if I fail. This doesn't prevent me from chasing my dreams but it does prevent me from sharing my dreams to other people. In fact, only a couple of my friends even know I have this website.

I'm generally a happy, care-free person but I do have moments where I feel like my life isn't going anywhere and it can get a bit depressing. Fortunately, those moments don't last very long.

My biggest fears are not being good enough and not being loved.

The reason I decided to write this post is so my readers can get to know the real me and at the same time, throw away any misconceptions about who I am so that I can be a bit more personal and not write articles from a place of this perfect, successful person but from the perspective of someone who has dreams and fears and moments of laziness just like everyone else.

I welcome any comments or thoughts.

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